i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
