we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
