apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
