if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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