Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
