You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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