Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
