Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
