I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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