Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
