one might say we're banned from that church
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
high people should be assigned attendants
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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