what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think your dad took our porno
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
