apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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