Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize