Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
