dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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