I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
