when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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