We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
