Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
