That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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