K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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