what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
