I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
