She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
