woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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