And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
