You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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