Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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