So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
