My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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