also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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