I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
