My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
