have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
