I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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