a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
