I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
