Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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