Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
