where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You made out with two different species that night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
