fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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