Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize