I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
