please come you make the beer taste better
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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