I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
