Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
