Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
