I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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