I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
