I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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