I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
