craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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