You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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