FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
