my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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