sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
