Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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