Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
