no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
