Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
