Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
