I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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