every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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